So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
