I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
