TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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