I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
