He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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