my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize