I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
