cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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