I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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