Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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