and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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