he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
