I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
