apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
