thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
BRING THE BAGELS
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
