I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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