I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I want her autograph on my taint
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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