we made out on top of his cat.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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