I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
