Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
