I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
