Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
