I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
