apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
