So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
