went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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