I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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