Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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