how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
