The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
