ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Rumble strips road head = magical
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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