Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
worst night to have a conscience
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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