I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
