I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize