Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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