No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
