I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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