last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
