I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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