I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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