Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
50% drunk capacity currently
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
