i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
