I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
