You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
