dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
