So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
