I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
