Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
