Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
