Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
