Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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