i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
How's work?
Spinning.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
