Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he was CRYING into my vagina
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
