So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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