How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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