At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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