Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
