they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
