New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
