I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
