you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
