All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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