This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize