pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
