my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
