youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
