So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
