yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Randomize
