You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
