Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
