youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
