we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm bleeding and have questions
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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