is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize