if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
