I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
