so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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