I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
