Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He better not be in your backpack
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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