I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
