he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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