I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
