i think my tv is drunk
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
