It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
