Four minutes until I can fart!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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