A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
