i just wanna soil my oats bro
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
