Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
