i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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