I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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