The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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