I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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