Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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