He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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