God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
