So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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