I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
