also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
