That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
