Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
